thief

A song about trying to get a scared, lazy friend off their can and back into the world.

v1

up all night

yelling at each other ‘bout art and life

ya know, you’re a known sponge

freedom is finite

most of our time’s

spent standing in line

passing it from hand-to-hand

ya keep it a minute

then give it to the next man

be patient

cue up and wait your turn

well, plow it back in your work

so each object

represents a chunk of thirst

compacted

gorgeously filleted

but then again, man…

maybe ya just need to get laid!

but not you, brother

you’d rather spaz and squirm

blowing all your liberty

bonged-out bingo’s

zig-zag trajectory

if you’re ground zero

i’d say you were damn lucky

it’s a chain letter

but, brother, you always want cuts

and when it’s your turn, you’re lazy

you let it rust…

CALLED HIM A THIEF…

i put my best foot forward and kicked a man

tripped a thief with my time on his hands

i put my best brain in to come up with this

but where’s yours, Jim, are you saving it?

well, man, that’s exactly my point…

v2

but maybe it’s me

when i borrow something i try to be

careful not to break it

freedom is flimsy

cut yourself off and it cracks and tears

man, we’re all scared

but you’re afraid of something

that’s isn’t even out there

you’re an embezzler

darker than a bank vault at midnight

whaaa..? ya gonna shrivel

in the sunlight?

living in a vacuum sucks

come and hang

with the rest of us schmucks

and stop embarassing us…

stop embarassing us…

stop embarassing us…

I CALLED HIM A THIEF…

juice

A song about the morning ritual of imbibing caffeine, nicotine, vitamins, mood controllers, etc… just to reach human.

so…

if anybody here’s gotta problem with this

you better say it now to my face

‘cause once this sucker starts’ rolling free

it’s gone, goodbye, next case

poli-tics, mono-tics…whatever…

that’s all behind us now

‘cause once this Vitamin J kicks in….

i buy milk

i do laundry

something really strong gets a holda me…

(and…) i’ve got juice to swing that velvet hammer

and i become what i’m supposed to be

fill me up with my peculiar mixture

and nothing good or bad can bother me

ya smell that?

ya, i know…nothing

the air is rainstorm clean

i don’t trust nothing that i can’t see

but it’s much more fun to breathe

stick stick, stick-stick-stick

stick out your tongue

i’m here! i’m here! i’m here!

like a ghost who’s trying to quit smoking…

i mean…you’re already dead…like…who cares?

gotta buy some milk

do my laundry

something really strong gets a holda me…

(ahh…) i’ve got juice to swing that velvet hammer

and i become just who i wanna be

fill me up with my peculiar mixture

and nothing right or wrong can rattle me

check out these elbows!

by a famous designer!…

it’s a chemical makeover…

juice…to swing that velvet hammer

nothing left or right will side track me (blow!)

i really need ta buy some milk

wanna watch me do my laundry?

something really strong gets a holda me…

i’ve got juice to swing that velvet hammer

and i become what i’m supposed to be

fill me up with my peculiar mixture

and nothing good or bad can bother me

check out these elbows!

nothing left or right will side track me

it’s a chemical makeover…

and nothing right or wrong can rattle me

and nothing good or bad can bother me

nothing good or bad can bother me

nothing good or bad can bother me

nothing good or bad can bother me

nothing good or bad…

le french movie

A song about attending a college reunion and meeting up with an old girlfriend.

we rendez-vous at our favorite Scottish restaurant

a/k/a Mc Sewer

can’t take my eyes off your chest

you, my Milwaukee tumor

20 years ago, i wonder, hon…

were we really that much cooler?

that much cooler?

i remember you screaming at the rally

“bring the fascists to their knees”

your educated tongue

sank my L.S.A.T.’s

back then we upped the revolution

each time we dropped our jeans

like in a “le french movie”

each time we dropped our jeans

i wanted a job once…they asked me, son what can you do well?

i said i’m a really excellent smoker

and as a tourist, non-pareil

i am skilled/schooled at power loafing

and i have a pleasant smell

me…well…i’m still chasing magic

missing every shot at wealth

heard you’re sticking needles into people

in the name of hippie health

how come every plot invention

ends up parodying itself?

like in a “le french movie”

when i was voted the worst joint roller

in my dorm back in ‘68

you rescued me with absinthe,

Jarry & Carné

the whole world was watching us

now, we’re parsley on a plate

like in a “le french movie”

this isn’t just a car

A song about and older guy running off with a young girl.

so Vicki walked in…trailing thunder

had a St. Christopher’s medal parked under her arm

she said “hey buster…you’re corkin’ my bottle

are you ready to walk, man…or what?”

verse 1:

don’t ask me if my brain’s packed, child

i’ll just talk talk talk talk talk about myself

still waiting…still waiting

way way waiting…for something worth waiting foooooooor example,

reintro:

okay, okay so we know that like…life’s not fair…?

well, that’s whywe’rehere…to fix it

to make this planet nice so that aliens watching us from outer space don’t deem us unworthy and…pulverize us

verse 2:

which is exactly how i’m feeling

there is war between my ears

you’re my mop…and everything is leaking

ever notice how at times like these

all your cornball truths get revealed?

like “money always slums with the dumb ones”

and “your best friends are still your wheels”?

refrain:

what are the white kids doin?

what are the white kids doin about it?

chorus 1:

this isn’t just a car…it’s a collision

wiping out my life

with an engine

this isn’t just a car…it’s a decision/direction

this isn’t just a car…

wow…there’s alionon this pack of camels!

smile as the sticks smear by

i’m all hands, and vicki is all handles

ever wonder how at times like these

all the water in the world isused?

any regrets? .yeah…shoulda brought my bongos

-or-

ever wonder how at times like these

if the giblets & neck & heart that come in the that little packet inside a chicken you buy from the food store really came from the same chicken?

(WHAT THE HELL AM I SO HAPPY FOR?)

damn construction…

buddy’s not ready

A song about trying to deal with a passive-aggressive person.

BUDDY…BUDDY’s NOT READY

BUDDY’s FAVORITE THING TO DO IS MOAN

HIS SECOND FAVORITE THING TO DO IS MOAN

THINGS JUST HAVE TO BE HIS WAY

EVERYTHING SERVED ON A SILVER TRAY

AND IF BUDDY… BUDDY’s NOT READY

HE HAS STRATEGIES SO HE WON’T BE IGNORED

CAUTION ALWAYS WORKS FOR HIM, HE’S A TORTOISE, NOT A HARE

IF RUSHING AROUND’S REQUIRED, WELL…THEN BUDDY DOESN’T CARE

AS HIS FRONT DOOR SLOWLY SWINGS SHUT

BUDDY’S GOT HIS REASONS

THEY’RE ALWAYS VERY SOUND

ASK FOR AN EXPLANATION, HE’LL SAY

“I DON’T OWE YOU AN EXPLANATION”

WHEN BUDDY IS RELAXING

THE WORLD GRINDS TO A HALT

IF YOU TRY TO WORK AROUND HIM

AND HE’LL SLIP INTO A SULK

AND YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT HIM FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS AT LEAST

DON’T BOTHER TRYING TO BUDGE HIM

WHEN HIS INTEREST LEVEL DROPS

HUMOR’S WASTED ON HIM

IT’S LIKE TALKING TO A COP

NO FORCE IN NATURE CAN MAKE THIS STOP…

YA CAN’T CAUSE…

WHEN BUDDY… BUDDY’s NOT READY

(WHATEVER IT IS)

IT’S JUST NOT WHAT HE WANTS TO DO

SITTING RIGHT OVER THERE

IN HIS FAMOUS

EASY DOES IT CHAIR

PICKING HIS TEETH WITH A

NAZI BAYONET…OR MAYBE

WORKING ON HIS JAILHOUSE BALLPOINT PEN TATTOO

GRINNING ABOUT HOW MUCH WE ALL MUST HATE HIS GUTS

WELL…IF WE ALL HATE HIM…THEN WHY GET UP??

IF BUDDY… BUDDY’s NOT READY

HE GOES “I JUST DON’T FEEL LIKE IT TODAY…”

yeah…

orbiting monica

A song about a spacy girl who’s both attractive and repellent.

v1

priestess of bliss

a pipeline to every kind of mys-tic-al

knowing…knowing

v2

mistress of chance

there are no accidents, it’s all

meaning

chorus 1

orbiting Monica

goddess of truth

ev-ry-thing is orbiting Monica

so many moons…

v3

down on your knees, boy

your ego’s a weed in her garden of

growing…growing

chorus 2

orbiting Monica

gone for a spin

dazzle-a-ting every dimension

she’s currently in

smack on the spot

where all endings begin

everybody’s orbiting Monica

cause she always wins!

at the center of a quantum-teenage Universe of Light

hand-picked by Monica ‘cause it’s just felt so right

i butterfly around her, butterfly around her, butterfly-fly

always looking in from the outside

her brand/kind of wisdom is not mine

lift up her lid and who knows what you’ll find..?

solo

v4

nope

don’t get the joke

but Mon-i-ca’s laughing…laughing

v5

zoned-out on space

spliced/hip to her place

in the great cosmic flowing

chorus 4

orbiting Monica

so damn far out

can ya, can ya read me, Monica?

over and out?

highest of lotuses

coldest of cools

satellized by too many christophers

too many moons!

at the center of a micro-teenage Universe of Light

the gift of Mon-i-ca al-ways denied

still I’m lookin’ in from the outside

her brand of wisdom is not mine

i lie the truth

A song about how our thoughts and words define our world.

I…TWIST WHAT I TASTE TOUCH AND SEE

BUT, I…THINK YOUR STORY… STINKS… ANGEL

I DON’T BELIEVE A WORD OF IT

NOW WHEN I… LOAD AND… SHARPEN MY TONGUE

I…SPIT THE BIG LIE, RUMORS, WORLDS

AND I BELIEVE EVERY WORD OF IT

ANGEL, ANGEL

I’M CHOPPING EVERYTHING UP

SHAVING IT DOWN TO FIT MY MOUTH

I’M BLOWING IT UP

PUMP IT BACK UP SO BIG THEY BOUNCE

BOUNCE AROUND THE HOUSE

I…STRETCH FACTS CAN YOUR EAR TASTE MY SWEAT?

I…BREATHE FOR FUN, LIVNG MY LANGUAGE

BUT I DON’T THINK YOU TRUST THAT, DO YA?

ANGEL, ANGEL

I’M MAKING IT UP

PUTTING THAT SPIN WHERE IT BELONGS

HONEST AS I CAN BE

BUT NOTHING SITS STILL FOR VERY LONG

MY VERSION’S NEVER WRONG

I LIE THE TRUTH

I’D RATHER SEE ARMIES DANCING

I LIE THE TRUTH

I’D RATHER PULL WOOL OVER YOUR EYES

SO TALK TO ME, HOW YA BEEN? HOW’S YOUR LIFE?

I GOTCHA… TEMPORARY… SURE

WELL, YOU KNOW, WE WE LIVE AT THE LEVEL OF OUR LANGUAGE

WELL, SHE UNDERSTOODTHAT… CAUSE A…

SHE STARTED DRIPPING DIAMONDS

AND I SMELLED THAT ‘TAKE ME HOME” PERFUME

AND THE BIG CLOCK HAND STALLS MID-TICK

AND I REV

EY!, SOMEONE JUST FELL OUT THE WINDOW!

DID THEY JUMP OR WERE THEY PUSHED?

WELL, WHAT DID THEY EXPECT TO CONQUER WITH THAT GUITAR ANYWAY?

WHAT’S TRUE TURNED OUT TO BE JUST ANOTHER POINT OF VIEW

LIKE THERE’S A HUNDRED DOLLAR BILL TAPED UNDER ONE OF YOUR SEATS…

OR..OR…THE PERSON SITTING NEXT TO YOU WANTS TO SLEEP WITH YOU

THE PERSON SITTING NEXT TO YOU DOESN’T LIKE YOU AT ALL

SOMEONE’S HIDING SOMETHING AND I KNOW WHAT IT IS!

THERE’S A BOMB UNDER ONE OF YOUR SEATS

DON’T LOOK

THERE’S A BOMB IN ONE OF YOUR CARS

DON’T LOOK… DON’T YOU TRUST ME?

THIS BUILDINGS ON FIRE

THIS IS THE LAST THING ONE OF YOU WILL EVER HEAR

HEY… YOU’VE LOST WEIGHT… LOOKIN’ GOOD…

LIKE CHICKEN.

the habit

A song about being defensive about an addiction.

I’M LAUGHING

WHY STOP?

I FEEL LIKE I’M SWIMMING IN GINGER ALE

THROUGH A WORLD OF COTTON

DUMB MOTION

BOLD ACTION IN A VACUUM

JUST BOUNCES OFF THE WALLS AND GOES ON FOREVER

‘TILL IT BENDS AROUND AND SEES ITS OWN REAR END

SENSITIVE, AREN’T WE?

DON’T LIKE TO TALK ABOUT IT, DO WE?

IT’S A TOUCHY SUBJECT

SMILE, BLUSH AND LOOK AT YOUR FEET

YOU DO… DON’T YOU?

YOU DO!… DON’T YOU!

TELL ME… I WON’T JUDGE YOU NO BLAME, NO WRONG, NO RIGHT

IT’S JUST A HABIT

NOW, ONLY THOSE WITH IT CAN UNDERSTAND

THOSE WITHOUT IT SHAKE THEIR HEADS AND SAY YOU’RE WEAK

CALL IT A DISEASE

TSK TSK TSK

YOU LOOK AWFUL, THEY SAY

YOU SHOULD SEE IT FROM IN HERE, YOU SAY

EVERY TRY TO PUNCH YOUR WAY OUT OF YOUR OWN HEAD?

YEP…HE’S ONE

UH HUH… HER TOO

ME? I’VE ALWAYS DONE IT

I WAS BORN WITH IT

SO I DON’T GET TOO EXCITED ANYMORE

EASY DOES IT

ONE DAY AT A TIME

I CHOOSE MY FRIENDS AND LOVERS BY THOSE THAT DO IT

IT COLORS MY POINT OF VIEW, BUT I LIVE AROUND IT

I’VE HAD NO JOB PROBLEMS BECAUSE OF IT

I DON’T GO OUT OF MY WAY LOOKING FOR IT

I DREAM CONSTANTLY OF BEING FREE OF IT

WANNA MAKE SOMETHING OF IT?

MY HABIT?

gun day

A song about an urban maniac who finally snaps.

well, i’m so mad this morning, all i can do is spit

no more cheek turning, the end, that’s it

i got bugs in my coffee… the sky is crying

the tv’s looking at me and the radio’s lying

i go pop… i become a weapon

stick a sign on the door that says… “gone stalking”

kindness is weakness… kindness is weakness

this is one of those days that’s “one of those days”

the horror boils over and i’m chokin’

this city’s a noose, packed with bad actors

soft as a sales pitch…mtough as a tractor

all the faces… too many faces, dirt and noise and…

look out, you motherfuckers… this boy’s poison

kindness is weakness… kindness is weakness

‘cause there’s nothing wrong with you

that a spanking won’t fix

and if a whack won’t do it… we’ll proceed to kicks

and if stomping don’t make it, take it further still

‘cause if the boot won’t do it, maybe a bullet will…

“ONE DAY…” “SOME DAY…” “SOME DAY…““TODAY…““IT’S…”

GUN DAY… GUN DAY, yessirreee

GUN DAY… don’t even look at me

GUN DAY… would ya like a lead kiss?

has it come to this? oh yeah, it’s come to this!

GUN DAY… GUN DAY

i see rows of white crosses, crossed off, cross hairs

so long, syonara, goodbye… who cares?

cannons in my pockets, warming up the triggers

a tiny little man feeling ten times bigger

now, don’t blame the weather… ain’t the phase of the moon

sunspots, hormones, help me… don’t touch me

shifting out of red into cold blue burn

when will you ever learn? when will you ever learn? (that)

kindness is weakness… kindness is weakness

‘cause there’s nothing wrong with you

that a spanking won’t fix

and if a whack won’t do it… we’ll proceed to kicks

and if stomping don’t make it, take it further still

‘cause if the boot won’t do it, maybe a bullet will…

“ONE DAY…” “SOME DAY…” “SOME DAY…““TODAY…““IT’S…”

GUN DAY… GUN DAY, it’s not pretty

GUN DAY… god, i hate this city

GUN DAY… man, this is fun!

GUN DAY… how fast can you run?

I HAVE TO DO THIS THING, I HAVE TO DO THIS THING

boom! boom!

black ones, white ones, hebrews, catholics

a semi-automatic’s very democratic

if i was the fella with his finger on the button

i’d push it in a second… no hesitation

‘cause this planet’s a toilet, plugged and stinking

the whole damn human race, needs flushing

and i’m the man to do it, says a voice in my head

you can’t kill me cause i’m already dead

kindness is weakness…kindness is weakness

‘cause there’s nothing wrong with you

that a spanking won’t fix

and if a … STILL TALKING? NO MORE TALKING

GUN DAY… c’mon hold still

GUN DAY… didja write yer will?

GUN DAY… here’s one for you

release this pressure with a boom boom boom boom

… and i become a man-thing

… and i become a man-thing

… and i become a man-thing

… and… i… just… ex… plode.

capitalism

A song about the fantasies of a bored management trainee.

EVERYTHING IN IT’S PLACE ‘CAUSE NEATNESS COUNTS

PENS GO OVER HERE, ROLODEX OVER THERE

MY WIFE’S PICTURE AT A PERFECT ANGLE

TO A BIG CHROME STAPLER, MY PER-SON-AL STAPLER

I CAN MAKE MY CHAIR GO UP OR DOWN

TILT OR SWIVEL, I JUST JIGGLE THIS LITTLE HANDLE

THIS IS MY TELEPHONE, THIS IS MY COMPUTER

AND THAT ASHTRAY HAS NEVER BEEN USED!

NOW , LOOK, LOOK, LOOK AT THIS! IS-N’T THIS REALLY SPECIAL?

A GREEN DESK BLOTTER LOOKS SO PROFESSIONAL

A GREEN DESK BLOTTER

LOOKS LIKE A BATTLEFIELD

A GREEN DESK BLOTTER

LOOKS LIKE A BATTLEFIELD

JUST HIRED STRAIGHT OUT OF SCHOOL

GONNA RIDE THAT SHEEPSKIN TICKET

TO A ROSY FUTURE, BIG PO-TEN-TIAL

A SHOT OF NEW BLOOD THAT’S WHAT THEY SAID THEY NEEDED

AND THEY KNEW REAL MANAGE-MENT TA-LENT WHEN THEY SAW IT

CAP -IT-AL-ISM BRINGS OUT THE BEST IN PEOPLE

THAT’S GOOD ‘CAUSE I’M A NICE GUY…

THAT’S GOOD ‘CAUSE I’M A KIND GUY..

GONNA LEARN TO BE SLY

GONNA LEARN TO PLAY HARD BALL

BIZ -NESS IS BUSINESS, NOT E-MO-TION-AL

IF YOU DON’T WANNA GET SCREWED, BOY

BE A SCREW DRIVER

DON’T DREAM THE AMERICAN DREAM

STEAL IT FROM SOMEONE ELSE

UH…DID I WANNA MAKE A LOT OF MONEY?

YEAH, I WANNA MAKE LOTS OF MONEY!

I DREAM MONEY

I BREATH/SHIT MONEY

AND ANY DAY NOW

I’M GONNA BUY ME A SECOND SUIT!

NOWI’M AN E-XEC-U-TIVE BETTER EXECUTESOME THING

GOTTA MAKE MY NUMBERS

PROVE MYSELF PRO BA TION

THEY ONLY KEEP THOSE THAT SHOW THE MOST HUSTLE

SO THE DAYS CONNECT ENDLESS, ENDLESS DAYS

OVERTIME

DON’T THINK ABOUT BEING EXPLOITED

DON’T THINK THAT I’M JUST WHITE COLLAR CANNON FODDER

GOT TO START SOMEWHERE

THEN MOVE RIGHT UP THE LADDER

I BE-LIEVE ANYONE CAN MAKE IT

JUST WORK HARD FOR IT SUC-CESS IS JUST AROUND THE

CORNER

OP -POR-TU-NITY KNOCKS ME OVER

BUT THERE ARE NO A-PPOINT-MENTS

IN MY DAI-LY PLANNER

A GREEN DESK BLOTTER

LOOKS LIKE A BATTLEFIELD

A GREEN DESK BLOTTER

LOOKS LIKE A BATTLEFIELD

A GREEN DESK BLOTTER

LOOKS LIKE A BATTLEFIELD

A GREEN DESK BLOTTER

LOOKS LIKE A BATTLEFIELD

THEY’LL COME AT DAWN ROLL UP THE WHITE-OUT ARMOR

CORPORAL , TAKE TEN RUBBER BANDS

I WANT LOOKOUTS ON THE PE- RIM ETER

SANFORD…YOU’RE ON POINT, DIG IN BY THAT COFFEE MUG

SARGE , I’M SCARED

SON WE’RE ALL SCARED,

MY HEART IS POUND -ING LOUD AS A GRAD-U-A-TION WATCH

WHERE’S MY AIR COVER? I MUST HAVE AIR COVER!

A SHAD -OW FALLS THE TROOPS FREEZE IN FEAR

AS A LET -TER O-PEN-ER BOMBER SLOW-LY RUMBLES OVER.

PAPER CLIPS LAID OUT IN A TIGHT FORMATION

LINES OF STAMPS GUARD MY LEFT AND RIGHT FLANKS

AND HERE COMES THE PENCIL CAVALRY

CHARGING UP THE MIDDLE

OH MY MY MY

DON’T THEY LOOK FINE!!

THEN IT’S BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG…

WHO WON, WON, WON WON WON? ETC.

MISS PRICE, WAS THAT CALL FOR ME?

architect or doctor

A song about fretting over what’s real versus what’s bad brain chemistry.

intro:

it’s a certainty..I know ya do… lie it’s a certainty… I’m

a structureless… guy

I’m an architect… free

of all materials… free

I’m an architect, architect, architect…

honestly.

“BI-DI-DOO-DOO!”

v I

were ya wearin’ wednesday?

did it feel like thursday?

were ya out today? were ya out today?

when ya asked the doctor

when ya asked the doctor

was it yesterday? was it yesterday?

will ya ask the doctor

will ya ask the doctor

is it today? is it today?

will ya ask the doctor

will ya ask the doctor

is it today? is it today?

will ya ask the doctor?

when ya ask him about it…

did he make ya take it?

will he make ya take it?

when ya asked the doctor

when ya asked for johnson

did ya ask for johnson? did ya ask for johnson?

did ya ask for johnson? did ya ask for johnson?

(break)

just what does this mean…

“my elevator’s got no breaks??”

it doesn’t have to be like that…

it doesn’t have to be like that…

sunset in my face…?

EEEEE…OHHHH

it doesn’t have to be like that…

it doesn’t have to be…

it doesn’t have to be like that.

“BI-DI-DOO-DOO!”

v2

did ya find the building?

did ya find the building?

is it changin’ color? is it changin’ color?

is it that round thing?

is it that round thing?

is it getting taller? is it getting taller?

will ya ask the doctor

will ya ask the doctor

is it today? is it today?

will ya ask the doctor

will ya ask the doctor

is it today? is it today?

is it today? is it today?

2nd figure

is it today that you might…

find some science…

to heal these sores?

confound all the prophets

let me…do what i want…?

lifers in here tell me their stories

they’re really sad, but they always lose me…

fadin’ in and fadin’ out

3rd figure

on your way to school… uh oh

flash! understanding?… uh oh

know it once and for all…

settle it once and for all…

is this just life…

is this just my life…

or is this just the way life is…

or is this just the way my life is…

or is it some type of illness?

or is there some kind of sickness?

“BI-DI-DOO-DOO!”

WILL YOU ASK THE DOCTOR…?